Missing summer

already, but fall means....

TIGHTS!!!!!

still here

still cute...

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

after many months and an ebay transaction gone wrong, i finally have new bedding!

hello lovah....

(west elm links)

yum. can't wait for it to arrive!!!

because i am too lazy to find an actual pen

for the baby book... olivia is now taking steps! i mean, she's been walking holding our fingers for maybe two months? but she now stands up (without holding on to anything) and will take a few steps before collapsing into a heap.

which is sometimes followed by squeals of delight and clapping, others with a frustrated cry and much fist pounding (hello, daughter of mine) and still others with a little determined face and immediate re-try.

her usual is about two or three steps, but yesterday evening in the yard, she took EIGHT!

she is also officially OFF BOTTLES!!! it feels like a huge victory in theory. she's not even 13 months old and we transitioned pretty easily. yay! i get to put the dishwasher racks away! i get to store all the dr. browns bottles with their 90 million parts away into the basement! hurrah!

yet.

i've just swapped them for born free sippies. which have seven (SEVEN) parts per cup. and, if you keep track, that's ONE MORE PART PER DRINK CONTAINER THAN THE BOTTLE.

so i'm not really saving myself any effort, but still. she's a big girl now! woot! also, these sippies are fantastic. she is rough. like throwing them, banging them, flinging them, hanging them upside down... and they never EVER leak. i love them. eleventy billion parts and all. plus, they come with caps and not many of the sippies I've seen do. WHY!??!!?)

she has four teeth still. and i might be crazy, but my friend was visiting this weekend and mentioned that her top teeth look big (NOT in a jerk way) and i was like whoa. THEY ARE. the seem like grown-up big.

tom and i agreed that we'll provide any cosmetic dentistry necessary if the poor girl has freak teeth. god, i just hope they're straighter than mine were. four years of braces. hell.

things i don't want to forget

• olivia stood up all by herself without holding on to anything two days ago and has been doing it more and more every day! i think walking isn't too far off!
• tonight she fed herself some yogurt from a bowl WITH A SPOON!!!
• she can sign "more" and "all done"
• she points to the kitties and whispers "kee kee kee kee"
• i caved and did a version of sleep training.

she was just writhing around in the glider not falling asleep for hours and it had to stop. neither of us was enjoying it anymore, so i did our normal routine (bath, book, bottle) then rocked her for five minutes and put her in her crib. she immediately stood up and cried, so i'd lay her back down, rub her hair (or pat her back if she rolled over) for a minute and say goodnight and leave.

wait three minutes, go back in, wipe the tears, lay her down, rub her hair or her back, say goodnight and leave.

the first two nights i had to go in three times and the second night she wailed so much i thought she would throw up and *i* cried. but it's gotten easier and tonight, i just finished the bottle, gave her a cuddle and put her right to bed. she rolled over and snuggled her blankie and closed her eyes.

it's like a freakin miracle!

12 month debrief

liverbeans had her 12-month well-visit yesterday and she is right on track for growth and development! phew. we kept her safe for one whole year. only a lifetime to go!

stats for those who care about such things:

height: 29 3/4 inches 70th percentile (grew two inches since her nine month appointment)
weight: 21 lbs 15 oz 65th percentile (gained to pounds since her nine month appointment)

right where they want her to be.

she also had some SUPER AWESOME shots. ugh. the WORST.

MMR (was a bitch), hep a and one other i can't remember off the top of my head. after that, she had to get a lead test which involves pricking a finger and SQEEZING MASS AMOUNTS of blood out of it while she sat on my lap wailing and reaching out for her daddy, tears and sweat drenching her and me.

as soon as she saw the hello kitty band-aid on her finger, though, she was like OOOOH! and commenced to chewing on it. when we got home, she was clapping in her high chair and started to cry... her little bruised finger hurt when she clapped!

poor beaniepants.

wait, that was a YEAR?!?!

my sweet girl is one year old today. ONE.

i am too exhausted to talk about it but believe me. there is much to say.

a few quick notes:

she is almost switched over to cow's milk.

she is cruising along furniture so fast that it's only a short matter of time before IT'S ON.

she waves hi and bye bye.

she can feed herself (sippy, bottle and hand feeding. no utensils yet!)

the only "baby" food she has now is fruit mixed with her morning oatmeal. everything else is table food.

she loves veggie burgers.

she also loves herself some MEAT: deli turkey, ground turkey, seasoned chicken.

she has four teeth. two top fronts just busted through this week.

she is on the cusp of needing tubes for her ears. sigh.

she started in the "first steps" room at daycare today. BIG KID!

she loves the water. her tub time is golden.

oh cheerios. her kingdom for a cheerio.

she currently hates cheese. i KNOW. HOW is she related to me???

she now pulls her bows out and tries to re-place them on her head herself.

she also "brushes" her hair.

speaking of, we've got some hair now!

she loves her "kee kees" so much (the cats).

they? notsomuch on the loving her.

she loves books. reading them, eating them.

she gathers all her tub toys and places them in a bucket and then dumps them out. over and over.

she loves balloons.

she laughs the biggest and best laughs i have ever heard.

she hugs us now.

she sleeps on her belly, cuddling her blankie and sticks her little butt up in the air.

she makes life better every day than i ever, EVER thought it could be.

happy first birthday, my miracle. daddy and i love you AS BIG AS THE SKY.

a few olivia tidbits

• she threw a fit this morning. a full out FIT because her milk was too warm. i think? i mean, it's the same temp they give her at daycare, but usually she has room temp at home. i disrupted the routine of the princess by warming her milk. HOW DARE I?
• she points to things now: the cats, her binky, her bottle, the tv. cuteness.
• her hair is turning the slightest shade of auburn and i couldn't love it more. it's the teeniest little verification that yes, she's actually related to me. her little hint of donohue shining through.
• she can crawl up the stairs. all by herself!
• she still takes a good, long morning nap. which is why i can handle point one.

i know the cake looks funny daddy, but i sure tried

father's day was sunday. tom's first. i could have done a much better job celebrating him. i should have. but we were driving home from vermont (for five hours) after a long weekend away and the prep for that trip (and an overseas trip the week before) left me spent.

i left him with olivia at 5:55pm to rush to the grocery store down the street so i could pick up emergency paper towels and formula before they closed at 6.

rushing, rushing, rushing through the day.

as i was driving home, butterfly kisses came on the radio. of course it did. it was father's day for cryin out loud and i should have been expecting it.

i wasn't. i had to pull over, i cried so hard. listening to the words in a whole new way tangled up with all the still-raw emotion of losing my own father. i hadn't even thought of him ONCE that day until then.

i cried with shame that i had forgotten him and that i hadn't done more to celebrate tom. i cried with grief over the reminders of what i no longer have in my life. no more daddy's little girl. no one who remembers putting flowers in MY hair when i was small. no one waiting for me as i got ready to walk down the aisle thinking, "i just feel like i'm losing my baby girl."

and i cried with joy that my daughter, MY baby girl has that. she has someone who loves her more than anything else in his life. probably more than he loves me and that, honestly, is fine with me. someone who wants to keep her safe, to protect her, to teach her about everything in this world. someone who will make her a better person than she'd be without him.

and i forgive myself for forgetting for a minute. because i remember my father every day when i see his freckles looking back at me in the mirror, when i act like i can do everything on my own with no help which makes me INCREDIBLY FRUSTRATING, when i get an excited text from my husband who has melted over the fact that our daughter waved goodbye to him at daycare drop off. i see how much he loves her and i remember.

15 years today. i still love and miss you, dad. i always will.

explosion!

• olivia is on the move. quite quickly, i might add. i was on the verge of worrying about her gross motor skills when all of a sudden.... she's a crab crawler!
• a week later she's crawling proper unless she's very anxious to get somewhere... then she's crab crawling like a bullet!
• on my birthday, i walked in to find her standing in her crib. like, "what? i've been doing this in secret for months."
• since then she's clamoring to hold your fingers so she can walk everywhere. every. where.
• about a week ago, she decided she will clap. now she claps all the time. happy? clap! tired? clap! want more dinner? clap and yell!
• speaking of explosions, she endured her first stomach bug last week. vomit! diarrhea! everywhere! for a week!
• RIP adorable light pink and white polka-dotted pb kids rug. you never saw that projectile puke coming. sigh.

well!

i didn't win the bento contest... BOO! ;) it's fine. i am getting SO many ideas from there and i'm making bentos for tom almost every day still. olivia, watch out. you are IN for it!!!

oh... speaking of olivia, she's TEN MONTHS OLD!! what thaaaa?? we are fareel planning her first birthday party. it's crazy. people who tell you "they grow so fast" are NOT joking. i feel like just yesterday she looked like this:

and now she looks like THIS:

crazy.

she's aaaalmost crawling. she scoots everywhere on her butt. then she'll get up on her hands and knees as if to crawl and most of the time she'll take it a step further and get from her knees to her feet as if she's going to stand up.... and we hold our breath... and she says eff it and sits back down and scoots.

...over to an outlet to try to electrocute herself. i tell her no, danger! and she does this:

am famous chef!

ok, not really. but i'm in the running to win a bento contest! yay, me! or rather... yay, tom! i've been inspired to make his lunch pretty consistently since i have started following this awesome blog.

olivia has even been taking little flower shaped cheese to daycare. yes, i'm out of control.

my entry is the third one listed. ya know, if you feel like voting for me.

(hint, hint.)

currently we're all being slaughtered by amy and her supah cute trains.

things i love in april...

• dancing with the stahs!
• lilacs
• the smell of freshly cut grass (yeah, i don't have those killer allergies)
• opening the windows
• bentos!
• warmer weather that hopefully = healthier baby
• my new living room furniture!
• my new HAIR:

(me in my new hair on the old, red loveseat)

i don't look sick, do i?

hiding behind that cutie smile are TWO ear infections.

again.

sigh

she's starting to get independent. ALREADY. i'm supposed to be all happy and proud about this, aren't i? i feel like she'll be leaving for college TOMORROW. sigh.

she wants to feed herself now. spoon feeding by mama equals spitting! AND i KNOW i should be happy about THIS one, but i'm sad. tom and i are both so sad...

she wants to put herself to sleep. no rocking required OR WANTED. she writhes around like a very tiny but very strong alligator until you give up and lay her down with her blankie.

then she promptly rolls onto her belly, grabs her blankie and says, "THANK FREAKIN GOD. I NEED SOME SPACE, PEOPLE!" and falls asleep.

wa.

stats!

we had olivia's nine month well visit this afternoon and everything looks GOOD!

height: 27 3/4 inches which is WEIRD because that means she's only grown 1/2 inch in three months. dropped from 92nd percentile to 60th for height. maybe she's just accepting her fate as a shorty.

weight: 19lbs 11oz. up three pounds in three months!! my girl loves to eat. it's so obvious that we started solids at six months! 60th percentile for weight.

head: 17 3/4 inches and all I know is that the pedi said it's growing nicely which means so is her brain. so. that's reassuring. haha!

the pedi thinks she will probably skip crawling altogether since she is very, VERY uninterested in being on her belly even long enough to get her knees under her. she's apparently got great muscle tone in her legs and is MUCH happier standing. not that she stands on her own. or pull to sitting on her own. but when you stand her up, she's in heaven. she's just so happy sitting wherever you put her with whatever toys are around. no toys within reach? no problem, she's got feet! no, not to carry her to an out of reach toy. to PLAY with!

she'll get to moving. and when she does, i'll be cursing that i ever wanted to rush it along. :)

and we got the ok to start cheese!

yum!

i am PROUD, y'all! we have eaten in and HEALTHY all week! tom has even had lunch every single day this week!

in case anyone cares, here was our dinner menu for the week (and olivia's):

sunday:
US: turkey burgers and pasta primavera salad
OLIVIA: crumbled turkey, ditalini cooked in chicken broth, applesauce

monday:
US: (we had a lot of leftover ground turkey) stuffed peppers and salad
OLIVIA: yogurt, peaches, squash, puffs

tuesday:
US: baked potatoes and salad
OLIVIA: green beans, mini pancake, sweet potato and peaches

wednesday:
US: broccoli and cheese stuffed chicken, extra broccoli on side and garlic couscous
OLIVIA: chicken, ditalini cooked in chicken broth, carrots and green beans, yogurt melts

thursday:
US: spinach lasagna rolls and (you guessed it!) salad
OLIVIA: yogurt, green beans, pears and cheerios

tonight:
US: chicken francese and hmmmm maybe A SALAD?! or maybe some sugar snap peas and rice
OLIVIA: she loves her some ditalini, so probably more of that, chicken and apples and mangoes OH and maybe she'll finish up the green beans in the fridge. SCORE!

messing with me

so, i was going to post yesterday about how stupid i was to even MENTION sleep on here but i was too tired from olivia WAKING UP FOR AN HOUR AT 3AM to do it. sigh.

i need to figure out a new nap schedule, i think. at BWD (beloved work daycare) we had a 40 minute ride to work every morning and she'd nap the whole way there. then she'd take a crapshoot nap at school (anywhere from 20 min to 2 hours) and nap the whole way home.

now that she's at her new place, she's losing both of those car naps and isn't really making it up at daycare yet. that's a lot of sleep to lose, isn't it? almost an hour and a half. do you think she'll figure it out and start consistently taking her second nap at school? she did the whole first week, not not the second and we are paying for it.

she's DYING to go to sleep by the time i pick her up and it's only like 4:30pm. do i let her nap then? and just put her to bed for the night later? she has been going to be at 7pm forever.

AM I READING TOO MUCH INTO THIS?

probably.

what's WITH me today?

am thinking maybe i should send this to the asshole daycare olivia was at...

Studies have shown that babies who use a walker may actually learn to walk about a month later than those who don't. Walkers allow babies to move around before they are physically ready for it, which can cause unusual movement patterns and delayed muscle control. 

Babies learn to walk in part by watching and understanding how their feet and legs move. If a walker has a tray, they can't see what's happening with their lower body and don't get the information they need about their motor development.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends against using walkers not only because they can discourage your child from learning to walk on his own, but also because they can be dangerous. Thousands of babies end up in emergency rooms and doctor's offices from falling down stairs or bumping into furniture while in a walker. Walkers can give parents a false impression that their babies are truly mobile and can control their actions. Some parents even leave their babies alone to navigate their way around the home in a walker.

Exersaucers, as well as door jumpers, are much safer alternatives, but none of these options will help your child learn to walk earlier than usual.

oh hey, no wonder i'm crazy.

i'm trying to do a lot of "new" things at once. and i just realized it. i'll share them with you, but don't laugh because these are new to me. and they may seem like habit or obvious to you, but they aren't to me so CUT ME SOME SLACK.

1. flossing every day. i know, gross. i never have flossed and i've always thought it was no big deal. when i was pregnant, the dentist started to make a big deal about it. i still didn't listen. my nephew shamed me (he's 8 and an avid flosser) and i only made a half-assed effort that lasted like four days. but about a month ago my gums started to hurt. HURT. and the idea of flossing still made me cringe because flossing HURTS. i know, i know. do it for a week and it won't hurt or bleed and your gums will feel better. OK, OK! well, i did. and i almost cried it hurt so much. tom bought me some satin floss and it's much better. i am PROUD to say i've been flossing every single day for a full month and i think i'm officially IN THE HABIT! i cannot WAIT for my six month checkup! HOLLA!
2. exercising. i feel so disgusting. none of my pre-livie clothes really fit me still. i'm only four pounds over the weight i was when i got pregnant, but there was a lot of stress and woe leading up to that pregnancy and let's just say... i ate myself through it. so yeah. i have about 14 total pounds to go to feel like myself again. i started the 30 day shred last week and i'm COMMITTED!
3. weight watchers. i am a lifetime member, did you know that? i am! i'm a pathetic lifetime member. back on the wagon for about a month now and failing miserably because i haven't recorded a single point. i KNOW i need to do it. i'm still not doing it.
4. cooking ww friendly meals and purchasing healthier food in general for my family. my daughter eats all organic. i examine every ingredient in everything i feed her. low sugar, few or no preservatives, no pesticides... and tom and i eat garbage. i need to BE a good role model of healthy eating to her. started yesterday and i've planned out and bought meals for a full week. and i'm taking a muti-vitamin finally.
5. packing lunches for my husband. yeah, i'm not there yet. i bought him a super cute bento box. olivia has one, too. i am hopeful, when it gets here, that i will be able to make lunches.
6. straightening my hair at least twice a week. BIG, FAT FAIL. (see photo below for horrifying proof. ON EASTER.)
7. baptising olivia. working on it. what? she's not even a year yet. calm yourselves!
8. work harder. ugh.
9. be more organized. DOUBLE UGH.
10. cleaner house. HIRING A CLEANING LADY.

livie, i hope you have straight hair.

i could go on. i could. i could seriously go on, but i have two overdue thank you notes to write and prescription reimbursements to submit and a conference call to dial into and breakfast to eat (nonfat greek yogurt with berries and honey!) and some yobaby yogurt meals to return to stop and shop because they expired on april THIRD and i bought them YESTERDAY.... yawn.

also? you better appreciate all the time and effort i put into linking the hell out of this post! ;)