Thursday, October 05, 2006

so tired.

i should be sleeping. i have to go to valhalla tomorrow. i have a meeting at 10am.

it's always the hardest for me to sleep when the wind is howling. it happens a lot up here. the morning of my mother's funeral my sister was crying and said to me, "i just wish she could tell us she's ok." and ten seconds later the wind came, as though it was singing to us. and she said that's how she knew my mom was ok. she was singing to us.

everytime i hear it now, i can't help but wonder what she's trying to tell me. tonight i think she's saying, "i miss you too, steph." and it's raining. which makes sense because i'm crying too, mom.

the nights are always the hardest. even seven months later. especially seven months later when i realize that it's been more than half a year since i've seen her or hugged her or heard her voice. dialed her number and not gotten that horrible news. why does it feel like an eternity sometimes and others, like tonight, it feels like i just lost her this morning?

anyway. sorry for the late night rambling. i'm just really missing her tonight. and i guess, from the sounds of it, she's missing me, too.

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