Wednesday, February 27, 2008

LOST in my house

now, i feel i must post a warning here... 1) if you haven't seen last week's episode, this is DEFINITELY a spoiler and 2) if you have, your head may still explode after reading this.

the following is a conversation between tom and me after watching last week's episode on dvr:

at the end of the episode, i yell, "I KNEW IT!!!" and tom's like, "what?"

tom: no.
me: SHE SAID, 'AARON' !!!!!!
tom: ...
me: HELLO!??!?
tom: so, her kid's name is aaron.
tom: why would she have claire's baby? maybe she just named her kid after him.

commence head explosion.

Friday, February 22, 2008

ok, i'm in

i watched my first ai of the season last night. i usually wait till we're at the top 10 point, but jan and becky were talking about it the other night and i felt SO LEFT OUT because i didn't know who the hell they were talking about, etc.

also? my nephew watches it and i cannot continue to be schooled by a six year old. he seriously has to jet home from my house so as not to miss it. wtf?

here is the part where i SHOULD be telling you who i like and who i hate. well, since i only saw the results show, i only saw the booted contestants perform and here's what i have to say about them: NO HARD FEELINGS, SUCKASSES. they were all horrible. especially the kid with the puffy hair. ew.

my only other insight is WTF with the girls bawling over every. little. thing? those two they kept showing... i thought they might collapse from distress. get over it already!

can you tell i'm trapped in my house due to weather?

Thursday, February 21, 2008


ok, ENOUGH with the whine!!! how freaking depressing!? does anyone have leftover seasonal cookies?

Wednesday, February 20, 2008


february 20 around 7pm was our last conversation. it's really random and amazing, but she told me how she knew she was pregnant with me and how scary and wonderful it was. i will never, ever forget that last gift. the craziest part is? it was a phone call... 200 miles away from each other. i had no idea it would be our last and i really don't think she did either.

i didn't know she was gone until 5pm february 21. i will get into HOW i found out another time. i will say... my (now) husband is an amazing, enormous-hearted (is that even a real WORD?!), understanding and loving man to have put up with me in those minutes, hours and days that followed. (did i mention that we had been dating just under a year?) he raced home from work to me. he picked me up off the floor. he held me and promised me that i would survive. he called and found out WHERE she was and WHEN we could have her released. he drove me to the airport to pick up my broken-hearted sister and confused 4 yr old nephew. he entertained hunter while my sister and i walked into her apartment. the first time people had entered since the police and ambulance had been there. let us scream and cry, collapse and grieve. held us together when we couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't breathe. helped us find and corral two scared kitties and bring them to a new home: our home. (did i mention tom has asthma? did i mention that it wasn't even a QUESTION in his mind for us to bring them home to live with us?) helped us pack her home, pack our lifetime of memories into boxes and trucks and eventually a storage area. knew that her beloved cedar chest needed to be handled with kid gloves not because it was worth a lot of money, but because it was worth the world to my mother. held my hand and told me i didn't have to prove anything to anyone and i didnt have to get up and speak during her funeral if i didn't want to, but was proud of me when i did. helped carry her casket and gave me space to be angry and loved me at my absolute lowest.

she used to call him "tom terrific" and i would laugh because... how silly!? she was right. i remember after she met him she said, "stephanie, i have prayed for you. i prayed that someone amazing would find you."

thank you, mom. you were right.

Monday, February 18, 2008

warning: sad, mopey and depressing.

ugh. february around this time just fucking sucks. well, back up. first let me say HI and I'M BACK!! i will post later this week about london. or maybe tomorrow. or whatever.

today i've just kind of been a total mope about my mom. i am too completely lazy to check back to see if i ever really wrote about her death. maybe i did? anyway, if i didn't, she died on february 20, 2006. you know, i don't even want to get into it, but let's just sum up? it fucking SUCKS. presidents day 2006 was the last time i ever spoke to her. she has missed so much of my life since then. fucking copd. UGH. maybe i should change the title of this post to "FUCKING SUCKS" since that is really my only thought. i think i tried to skate through last year's anniversary. we got engaged at the end of january. i tried on wedding gowns on february 20, the year anniversary of her death and ended up buying my gown on february 27, the year anniversary of her funeral. fucked up, isn't it? and don't even get me STARTED on how many people ask about bringing your mom in to see the gown before you buy it. JUST DON'T.

anyway, i'm just really missing her right now. her name was tina. she would be 52 this july. she really, REALLY loved my nephew, star magazine, lollipops and canada dry ginger ale. she would have danced like a damned fool at my wedding. she would be really proud of my sister's courage to be a single mom going back to school. she'd be MORTIFIED over the fact that i haven't cleaned out my coffee maker since we got it months ago. she'd be a lot of things. it makes me feel a little better to think she and my dad are somehow watching out for us from "afar" -- wherever that really is. if she is, i KNOW one thing for sure... she knows tom and i got stuck with her two cats and is laughing, "HA, suckers!"

i miss you, mom. and sorry, everyone, for being a debbie downer tonight. sometimes it just overtakes me. luckily, it's not as often as before.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

sheesh. no messing around here!

among the items prohibited from being carried onto an airplane at heathrow are the following: cutlery, hiking poles and CATAPULTS!??!
damn, now i have to go repack. fuckers.
see ya friday night. hopefully i will come back from the UK with tons of brilliant stories. or something.

Friday, February 01, 2008

things i am happy about

  • i have finally decided -- three days before the primary -- who i will vote for. i'm not all about politics on here, but feel free to let me know YOUR thoughts. i'm always up for being influenced and following others and all that.
  • hell to the YEAH for LOST being back. i don't know if it's just that there have been no new shows for fucking EVER or what, but i almost cried i was so happy it was back. and my friend becky has already started filling my head with all the little "clues" -- my favorite so far involves the letters "ho" -- i will leave it there for now for those of you who have yet to watch your DVR. GET TO IT so we can discuss, people!!! i need all of your theories and speculation. also? i love hurley. so so so much.
  • i am VERY excited for sunday. hi, NACHOS. and, in case you are wondering who i am rooting for, here is what is hanging up on my white board: believe. and yes, i live in new england. and no, i will not be wearing any sort of football jersey on sunday because i hate them. sorry if you love them, but i think, unless you are ON THE TEAM, you should not be wearing any sort of jersey -- baseball, basketball, football... water polo or WHATEVER. and furthermore, if you wear some sort of sporting apparel (cap, tee shirts, sweatshirts, what have you) please, PLEASE wear the team colors. pink is NOT APPROPRIATE. neither are rhinestones (thank you, kevin, for burning that image into my brain).
  • IT'S FRIDAY!!! but, duh.

editing to add: tom brady is still wicked hot even though i am a giants fan. but again, duh.