Saturday, January 17, 2009

only this shit happens to me

OK, so we go to bed last night... I wake up 839457893845 times to pee. As usual. We have been sleeping with our door open lately to help circulate the heat better.

So I hear a noise that sounds like something hitting glass. Not breaking it, but hitting it. So I ask Tom if he heard it. He tells me I'm not allowed to watch CSI anymore and go back to sleep. I get up and shut the bedroom door, because obviously every little noise is waking me. He gets up five minutes later to investigate and is out of the room for a second and our ADT alarm goes off.

I yell, "Was that you?" He runs back in the room..."NO." He shuts and locks our door, grabs the wooden baseball bat and tells me to go into the master bathroom. I FREAK. The alarm is still going off. I'm WAITING for ADT to call, they're supposed to call within a minute of it going off. I pick up our house phone and it's dead. CUE: EVERY EPISODE OF CRIMINAL MINDS/CSI I HAVE EVER WATCHED. there are NO good possible outcomes here.

Tom grabs my cell phone and calls 911. While he's on the phone with them our house phone rings. I pick it up and it's ADT. They ask if we're ok and I say I DON'T KNOW.

Did you set off your alarm?
AT ONE FIFTEEN IN THE MORNING? NO. (It's still going off btw).

They say we'll send the police. I tell them my husband is on the cell with them since they didn't call right away (asshole!). They say they've been very busy because several alarms have gone off due to the extreme cold. I ask what alarm was triggered and they say the upstairs slider. I say thanks, they reset it and I hang up.

Tom tells the police that he was upstairs when the alarm went off and didn't see anything at that door, but they say stay put anyway and we're coming. Luckily, they were here in like THREE minutes. They do a walk around and come to the door. Tom is in his Coors Light pajama pants, holding the baseball bat.

The cop says the house looks secure and looks at the bat, "Is that your weapon??" NICE, DUDE. WAY TO MAKE FUN OF OUR TERROR.

So, it seems it was just a malfunction due to the weather, but we realized if there had been an emergency (it would go off if the fire alarm detected smoke or if the carbon monoxide dectector sensed anything either) that we have no way to exit the house from there. We need to get a rope ladder for the bedroom window. We could probably jump to our front walk, but if I did that now, well, I'm pregnant and they probably FROWN ON THAT, and I certainly couldn't THROW a baby out the freaking window if it happened in six months.

ANYWAY, GET THIS. the police left us a scolding note in our mailbox about false alarms. And how next time it could LENGTHEN THEIR RESPONSE TIME.



Danse said...

Seriously, wtf is wrong with that police department? Ugh, they are FIRST responders - do they need a reality check?

FWIW, Bryan said he used to have little ladders in their rooms for fire emergencies (his dad was a fire fighter). I'll check and see where they got them and let you know (if you're interested).

Sorry about the scare though, that sucks. That happened to me once when I was 12 - I was outside in the middle of the street as my dad wandered out in his tighty whiteys (there's an image) to tell me it was just from my uncle closing the window.

Swistle said...

Okay, that is SO MEAN of them to, like, BLAME you for the false alarm! How were you supposed to know it was false? And a baseball bat is a VERY GOOD weapon!

Tess said...

I love how the only alarm they DO NOT seem to consider "false" is showing up to find your dead, dismembered bodies.