christmas shopping

for the bean is WAY more fun for me than it is for her:

um that is called a CURLY FRUFFLE.

oh man. it's not even december. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

thankful

i thank you for choosing me

to come through unto life to be

a beautiful reflection of his grace

see, i know that a gift so great

is only one god could create

and i'm reminded every time i see your face...

i don't get many things right the first time.

in fact, i am told that a lot.

now i know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls brought me here.

now, where was i before the day that i first saw your lovely face?

now i see it every day. and i know...

that i am, i am, i am

the luckiest.

think they look related?? they are TWINS!

my cup runneth over.

ok, how about meals?

but first, olivia.

her daycare had a PLAY the other night. A PLAY. she was a squirrel. and i am not kidding. my four month old was a squirrel in her school play. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and mama forgot the camera. idiot.

my friend's daughter is in the same daycare (she was an indian) so she took pics for me. anyway, olivia also got her first "report card" and we got artwork she made. AHHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE IT. she thumb-painted apples on an apple tree. i cannot take it.

ok, so i made a delightful HEALTHY meal tonight. like, whoa. it was lemon chicken and broccoli over garlic couscous. so good.

made even better by my ginormo glass of beaujolais nouveau. ohhhhh i love this time of year.

and?

FUCK YEAH, UCONN! ahem.

things i need to blog about...

• olivia.
• cleaning my stupid house.
• organization, or rather, my lack thereof and how it's slowly, but definitely driving my husband out of his fool mind.
• meal planning.
• thanksgiving.

i can address some of this now. let's see... how about OLIVIA?! i am turning into one of those baby-crazed moms and i guess i have to get on board with the fact that this will mostly likely just be a mommy blog now. hey, whatever. i love her. and you know what else i love? BOWS.

hi!

i'm lucky in that olivia is pretty good about bows and cute hats. she generally keeps them on without protest and that is a huge win for me. especially since the other day she was in her swing and fussing and i was ignoring her because she always makes her little eh, eh, eh noises just before she falls asleep. well, i happen to glance over and this is what i see:

help!

NO WONDER SHE WAS FUSSING!! so i did what any responsible parent would do... i laughed so hard i almost choked and then took a picture. of course, i took the headband off after that. poor bean!!

happy saturday

so i never posted about olivia's four month well visit. she was fantastic and didn't even cry TOO much for her shots. even though her evil mother had dressed her in JEANS so i had to wrangle those up over her puffy, hurting little legs afterwards. ugh. must remember loose, comfy clothing for next time!

stats:

height: 25 1/2 inches which is 92nd percentile

weight: 14 lbs 1.4 oz which is 60th percentile

head circumference: 33rd percentile, i don't remember the number

things she's doing:

• ROLLING OVER!!! well, ok, she rolled over twice on 11/8 and hasn't done it since. i think it's because she rolled from back to belly and realize, "oh crap, i HATE being on my belly. this sucks!"
• she's loving her play mat. her favorite thing is the little cardinal. well, or else she hates it because she's always swatting it and chewing on it and just generally issuing it a beatdown
• still sleeping like a champ. 7pm till 5:30am
• eating about 25-27oz a day, still not a big eater, still the grossly expensive and smelly alimentum, but if it ain't broke...
• giving me the stink eye when i eat food. i think she's trying to tell me telepathically that she's ready, but i'm not ready for her to be ready and so i'm pretending i don't see it.

things she AIN'T doing:

• loving tummytime. she still doesn't push up all that well. i checked the bump message board for babies 3-6 months old and had to close it because i found myself getting all competitive and wondering why some of those children SIT UP UNASSISTED and all of them (it seems) are practically up on all fours and my kid's like,  yeah, this is SO NOT HAPPENING.
• trying to stand when you hold her up. she will have none of it. the doctor said she's not worried, but we'll keep an eye on it. she kicks just fine, she just doesn't feel like putting any weight on her legs right now, OK???

to help her get more excited about standing, we put her exersaucer/jumper thing together this morning and i thought she was going to catapult herself out of the swing, she looked so excited. they've been putting her in the one at daycare a little bit and say she really likes it, so i suppose it's time!

in other NON-olivia news... hm. there is none. :)

next week's menu!

• tomato-sauced pork chops with garlic green beans
• chicken and spinach couscous with glazed carrots
• potato and sausage dinner with tomato & okra and crescent rolls
• lemon chicken and broccoli with couscous and spinach salad
• ham and broccoli pot pie with applesauce

a few side notes:

1. i have never had okra in my life. i hope it's good.
2. these are all WW friendly meals, so SCORE!
3. are you interested in the points values? if so, i'll post them.
4. wish me luck in making all these because i'm SO TIRED when i get home from work, the last thing i want to do is cook, but i am inspired by this post, so i will remain steadfast!

also, thanksgiving is in two weeks. oy. that is all i have to say about that.

handwritten fun fact friday!

because i like to copy all my faves.

also, SWOON over these kids, pls.

OMG. my little livie and her big cousin. think he loves her?

photo by tania sones photography

wow, bitch much?

am i out of SHAPE. i ran 2.5 miles on monday and i'm in AGONY. that child tore my body to shreds. every morning, it's physically (and mentally, but that's another story...) painful to get out of bed. my feet hurt to walk on, my hips hurt when i walk down the stairs, my back aches. OH MY ACHIN BACK. seriously? i still have sharp, pointy pain in my lower right back that shoots down my leg from before i gave birth. i am hopeful that working out will help all of these improve.

i have to admit, while i was running, it felt AMAZING. i forgot how freakin good doing something good for myself feels. these little snippets of the Old Me pop up now and again and it's like oh HAI, i MISSED you!

not that i don't love my life. seriously, don't get me wrong. tom got me the best anniversary card yesterday (even though it wasn't filled out -- hey, i didn't even GET him one!) and pajama pants from CVS, because it was our "cotton" anniversary. hahahaha -- i love him.

and honestly, how could you be pissy when you get to come home to this every single night:

ok

i'm getting back to this blog. i've been keeping track of all things olivia in a separate place, but this is just getting too annoying, so here we go. back to this one. i need a blog (and real life, don't EVEN get me started) facelift, but in the meantime, HAPPY HALLOWEEN

these are three of my favorite people in the universe.

i've got a LOT to keep track of and you can suck it if you aren't interested in these topics. hahahaha as if i have even one reader left. oh well. i'll talk to myself.

topic #1: olivia. SHOCKING! she is almost rolling over. shit. i am torn between being so proud and amazed AND depressed because she is just growing so fast. she's 17 weeks already. she has her 4 month well visit (read: MORE SHOTS) on friday. HOW is that possible? look, she's already big enough for her high chair:

ps, that's stretch. her fave giraffe buddy.

topic #2: dinners for the week. look, i'm terrible at planning like, ANYTHING, so the fact that i'm still cooking dinner at least a few times a week is pretty f'ing amazing. this weeks' menu:

tonight: crockpot chicken soup and biscuits
tuesday: ANNIVERSARY DINNER OUT!
wednesday: babyback ribs and camp beans and maybe a salad to balance the FAT
thursday: balsamic pork chops, sweet potato (for me, tom will puke if i make him eat that, so regular baked potato for that PITA), and asparagus
friday: beans and rice, guac, chips
sat: bacon cheddar quiche, hash browns
sun: sausage cheese chowdah, garlic bread

which leads me to topic #3: WORKING OUT. ugh, seeing some pics of me lately is just so depressing. i had that baby SEVENTEEN weeks ago. i feel gross. and most importantly? MY ENGAGEMENT/WEDDING RINGS STILL DON'T FIT. so.

i'm making half of my meals ww friendly (baby steps, y'all), started taking pilates, just signed up for an abs/core class, signed up for a 3.5 mile race on 12/6 and brought my runnin shoes to work today. ENOUGH.

and just for good measure....

fourteen pounds... the weight of the pumpkin, the weight of my daughter and the amount of weight i'd be happy with losing.

it's chilly here today.

so i decided to use my baby for warmth...

hi, i'm cute!

LET'S GO GIANTS!

i'm a cooking fool. also? i miss my baby.

ok, so THIS week's menu is:

monday: salmon and salad (did not go over well. i mean, i made it correctly, but neither tom nor i are big fish fans so. oh well. i tried.)
tuesday (tonight!): chicken tortilla casserole
wed: baked penne w/ garlic bread
thur: skillet burritos, chips and salsa and sliced cantaloupe
fri: low country stew (it includes shrimp, which i hate, so i may be having leftover tortilla casserole!!)

also, i'm on week two back to work. livie's in daycare and I MISS HER. wa.

wanna know what i'm cooking THIS week?

of course you do. here you go:

• chicken tender fettuccine alfredo with salad and garlic bread
  
• cheddar bacon quiche with crescent rolls and hashbrowns
  
• salsa sirloin salad w/ garlic bread (hi, we LOVE some garlic bread up in here!)
  
• mexican casserole (NOTE: wtf are "chili beans" ???)
  
• pesto pepperoni pizza

last week's meals were a huge success. surprisingly, the spaghetti pie (which sounds horrid) was DELISH. much better reheated for leftovers. i might make another and freeze that bitch ICOE (in case of emergency).

work update: still don't want to go back. shocking, right?

Chillin out at blue back square

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yes, i'm seriously COOKING!!

i have never been a fan of cooking. i am not good a meal-planning or keeping a good grocery budget. i spend all day at work hyperventilating over what we'll have for dinner and how i forgot, AGAIN, to take something out of the freezer.

i thought, once i was home on maternity leave, that it'd be easier. it wasn't. hi, did i forget the year and a half that i worked from home and STILL sucked at cooking??? clearly.

so i signed up, on a whim, for e-mealz. it's $1.25 a week for weekly menus. i know, I KNOW. i should be able to do this for myself. for FREE. but i can't, ok?

and so far, it's been a huge success! i have made three, THREE!!! consecutive dinners...

saturday i made barbeque boneless spare ribs w/ a salad. sunday i made creamy bacon cheese tortellini with sliced canteloupe and grilled asparagus. last night i made roast chicken w/ gravy over rice and brown sugar-glazed carrots AND corn muffins.

i fucking made MUFFINS for DINNER!!!!

and tonight we're having easy beans and rice with sliced canteloupe and tortilla chips.

TOMORROW we're having crock pot beef stew, the rest of the corn muffins and a caesar salad. THE NEXT DAY we're having baked spaghetti pie w/ a tossed salad and garlic bread.

and i have ALL of the ingredients to make all of these dinners! I HAVE THEM! because they also provide you with a grocery list. i freakin LOVE this.

also? i so don't want to go back to work. now that i can make dinner, i want to wear an apron and be a stay at home mom. too bad that dream will die in two short weeks. WA.

photo update

i'm the suckiest blogger ever. sorry. here are some pictures of my TWO MONTH OLD girl to make up for it!!

loving on her baby doll:

go big blue!!!

bonus mohawk shot:

i am a pretty princess:

my little super star!!

ok, i was going to wait till i could actually post these pictures, but I CAN'T WAIT. please, go check out my little bean on the insanely talented crista acosta's blog.

miss olivia had her first photo shoot on friday and damn if i didn't become addicted to it. i made a promise to this bean when i was pregnant that i would get EXCELLENT newborn photos. i didn't do a good job of choosing a wedding photographer and it still pisses me off to look at our pictures now... that's a day we will never get back and it makes me sad that we have almost no pictures we'd even want to hang in our house (imagine our heads superimposed over a LAKE. i only WISH I WAS KIDDING.) and it's not like the guy came cheap either!

well, livvy's first days are a similar time. we'll never get these little toes, chipmunk cheeks or peach fuzz back and i wanted to make sure we had someone awesome come and take the time and effort to capture her as she is now - and crista NAILED it.

i know i'm her mom, but f you guys... SHE IS ADORABLE.

my loves

olivia's home!

well, we are totally scrapping the idea of putting her to bed in her crib from night one. daddy cannot be more than 1 foot away from her without freaking out that she's not breathing. ;)

she is AWESOME and very loud. she is a super squeaky breather.

we love her so much!!!!

SHE'S HEEEEREEEEE!!!!

i'm SO SORRY i've been mia. i don't have time to post the big, long version, but our baby girl has arrived!!

10:46am, 7/6/09 weighing in at a whopping 8lb, 9.8oz and 21 1/4 inches long... olivia marie burst into our lives and it has been an incredible circus since then.

short version (c/p from an email because i can't write it all out again!):

Just an update...

Olivia was stressed out in some way (we don't know for sure what it was yet -- probably the fact that I was having contractions from Friday until I delivered her on MONDAY) and pretty much pooped in utero. She swallowed some and even though the NICU staff was ready and waiting to suction her upon delivery (they found the meconium when they broke my water, so they knew she was in a bit of trouble) she still breathed a bit of it into her lungs as well. She was VERY sick when she was born.

She's been in the NICU since then and was on oxygen, IV antibiotics and a feeding tube. She lost the IV on Wednesday, since her blood work came back showing she had fought off the infection and just yesterday afternoon came off the oxygen and feeding tube. Now, we are just waiting for her to get stronger. She needs to prove to the doctors that she can maintain her O2 levels steadily even when she's upset (which is whenever you change her diaper or try to bathe her... she's ALREADY HOLDING HER BREATH ON US!!) and that she eats and keeps down enough food to thrive.

We've stopped asking for potential release dates, because she tends to tucker out and need to go back on the oxygen after a bit so we don't want to get our hopes up, but it looks like middle of next week if she continues to do as well as she has been since yesterday.

Wish us luck, if you can spare it. After everything we've gone through to get her here, we certainly weren't expecting our full term nearly 9lb baby to be sick and stuck in the hospital. :(

here is a picture of livvy and daddy after they FREED her from the icky nasal cannula and feeding tube (she is thinking VICTORY IS MINE!!):

wish you were here...

today marks two big milestones in my life. the subject of this post applies to both and i can represent both of them in the following ridiculous picture.

1) today marks fourteen years since my father was killed in a motorcycle accident (that was his own fault, by the way, but i digress.). six weeks after the accident, twenty-year-old me had the above ridiculous tattoo inked on me for life. the sentiment is awesome, the tattoo? not so much. it's a harley davidson bar and shield (my dad's true love was his bike) with his date of birth, name and date of death.

2) the tattoo is now stretched across my once-upon-a-time-probably-back-when-i-WAS-20-flat-belly that is now gloriously THIRTY EIGHT WEEKS PREGNANT.

i wish my dad was here and i wish bean was here. and a flat belly afterwards wouldn't be so bad either.

oh hell YES.

that is right. i am excited over a CAMRY. look how SHINY IT IS!!!! and it even has FOUR WHOLE DOORS!!!!



we decided, after finding out that tom's trusty 1999 toyota solara needed a repair that warranted spending about $500 MORE than the trusty 1999 toyota solara was WORTH, that it was time to put her out to pasture. rest easy, ole girl... 201k miles is nothing to be ashamed of.



so we set out to find her successor and landed on this hot piece of a$$... HOW FUNNY THAT I THINK A TOYOTA CAMRY IS A HOT CAR??? i am old. but srsly, i love this car. suck it, infinitis and audis! my heart belongs to this 2007 dream, tentatively named (by hunter, of course), THE SPIDEY MOBILE:



woot!

boo!

we are almost at the finish line!

missing mom

a few weeks ago, my sister sent me a cell phone pic of hunter at the beach and i couldn't stop thinking about it. it's so similar to another picture that we have framed in his room of my mother with him at the beach in 2004, except in this new one, he's alone. as though he's aware that she's not next to him.

but, maybe it's that she IS there, but only he knows, so he's quiet and still, just taking it in.

i got that boom boom pow!

BAM! look at that. i've been very busy cooking this baby. and crying over kris' dramatic win over the over-dramatic adam.

and while we're talking about idol, can i just defend my danny gokey love one time? HE SANG WITH LIONEL RICHIE, PEOPLE. i adore lionel richie. and i also adore almost EVERY. SINGLE. SONG. danny sang this season.

NOT TO MENTION...

he has amazing taste in glasses.

AND

he looks like a mini robert downey jr.

i wish he would take me glasses shopping and sing dancing on the ceiling to me while we look. my glasses are boring.

SERIOUSLY, MOM???

so yesterday my sister calls and says, "hey, i need a baby picture of you." and i'm like, oh, ok, this must be for some schtick for my baby shower. cute!!

then i think, hm... i'm not sure i HAVE any baby pictures of myself. you know, because those are things your PARENTS GENERALLY HAVE (and we all know my sob story of being an orphan ALL TOO WELL).

ANYWAY. that's not the point of THIS post.

but i of course mention this to my sister and she's like, well, i don't know where your baby book is, but it should have pictures in it. then i remember that i HAVE both of our baby books so SCORE! i ask what age range she needs and she says toddler. ok, fine.

so, i'm going through the baby book last night and it's a trifect of emotions (keep in mind that i'm 8 months pregnant and i have no mother)... i'm over-the-top excited that i'm going to be a mom in a few short weeks. i'm devastated that my own mother won't be here to celebrate this with me and i'm DYING over the RIDICULOUSNESS that is my baby book.

do you want to know what my GRANDPARENTS gave as a gift when i was born?? my grandfather gave: the baby book and TEN DOLLARS. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

my grandmother gave a stuffed mouse. a STUFFED MOUSE? WAY TO BREAK THE BANK, MEMERE!!

anyway... so i'm off looking for pictures and there is a little spot for each birthday to write about the day and to add a picture. i shit you not, next to FIVE of the seven picture spots is written: "mommy forgot to buy film for the camera!"

INCLUDING MY FIRST BIRTHDAY!!! i mean, that shit is acceptable after a few kids, even the SECOND kid, but the FIRST CHILD???????? it's not like she didn't know the birthday was COMING.

damn!

so, my sister is getting a picture of me opening a present on christmas of 1977. at age 2 years, 7 months. nevermind that my mother in law has 40 million pictures of my husband from probably every HOUR of his life. you know what? christmas 1977 IS ALL I HAVE, PEOPLE.

at least i got that $10.

Current temp in CT. Insane!

spring!!

LOOK WHAT'S IN MY YARD!!!!!!

i know! flowers!!!! i didn't even know those were there. we moved in mid-july and these were already gone by then. HEE! so cute. and of COURSE they are purple, since the lady who lived here before was OBSESSED with purple flowers. but, at least these are fareel purple and not freakin LAVENDAR. gag.

ALSO... i bought a wall quote for above the baby's crib. my camera is circa 2003 and has fewer megapixels than MY CELL PHONE so the quality sucks, but whateva. the first one gives a truer picture of the room color and the phrase is easier to read in the second...

"little angel from above" is the beginning of a lullaby my grandmother used to sing to my mom and that my mom sang to us and then to my nephew when he was tiny. i'm really heartbroken to say that i don't remember all the words and i CANNOT find the lyrics online and that sucks.

i mean, it doesn't suck more than the fact that my mom won't be able to actually rock this grandchild and sing to him or her in real life, but it is what it is. and this little quote is a small shout out to her. this bean will know and love you, mom. i promise.

and bonus! shot of my VERY ENTHUSIASTIC husband. he's moving a rock pile that the last lazy owner left on the side of our patio. he's been at it for three hours already and it doesn't even look like he's touched it. poor bastard.

adventures in I'M A TOTAL SHMUCK.

i could throw up. SRSLY throw up.

i got a nice letter in the mail about two weeks ago from my state saying, "hey jackass, you failed to file state taxes in 2004 and guess what? YOU OWE US A LOT OF MONEY."

i was like, whaaaaa? with interest and penalties it comes to like five grand.

so, i threw up. then i filed a continuance so i could check and see if their assessment was correct. IT WAS, OF COURSE.

i realized that i didn't file state taxes for the state i worked in, either, that year (worked in one state, lived in another). so i did all the stuff and it turns out THEY owed ME about FOUR thousand dollars!

which is proof that i am not a delinquent tax evader. i clearly somehow just lost my freakin mind and forgot to file state. i mean, i filed federal. HOW did i forget state? but, i was really excited because i could use that 4k to offset the disgusting 5k i owed my state.

i called this afternoon to verify how i should file and guess what? i missed the FUCKING STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS FOR THIS STATE BY A YEAR. so those assholes get to keep MY money, yet i still have to pay the other state.

i CRIED AT WORK. i'm so incredibly pissed at myself. this affects not only me, but my husband, who didn't even KNOW ME THEN.

i hate this. i pretty much hate me today.

swell.

this is the reason i can officially no longer wear my wedding rings:

latest additions to the ipod

just thought i'd share my completely SCHIZO taste in music...

• heartless ~ kanye west
• circus ~ brit brit
• lucky ~ jason mraz & colbie caillat
• love lockdown ~ kanye west
• don't stop believing ~ journey
• lovers in japan ~ coldplay
• dead and gone ~ t.i. featuring justin timberlake (aka my secret lovah)
• you're not sorry (csi remix) ~ TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT
• how do you sleep ~ jesse mccartney (also: shutee)
• thinking of you ~ katy perry
• untouched ~ the veronicas
• come on get higher ~ matt nathanson
• i will be ~ leona lewis (WHICH MAKES ME CRY THINKING OF MY HUSBAND)

seriously, is this list cause for medical intervention????

omg. ps, if you watched the game, this isn't really a good recap.

i cannot believe i stayed up last night. for those of you who don't know, i attended the university of connecticut (14 thousand years ago). i am OBSESSED (like many, SMART people) with uconn basketball.

you may have heard from time to time that my huskies are GOOD. they were ranked number one in the country twice this season, even though our best defender has been OUT with a torn miniscus for about two months.

well, last night was the quarter finals in the big east tournament. and they played syracuse. WHO IS MY EVEREST.

i love these match ups. i love the rivalry. i do. but what i don't love is that tip off was at 9:35 IN THE NIGHT TIME. come on, people. i am growing a human. i need SLEEP.

but no, i stayed up. i figure, eh, late night. i'll get to bed around 11:30. around 11:45 the game ends up going into overtime.

and double overtime.

and TRIPLE overtime.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!!!

IT GOES INTO A TOTAL OF SIX OVERTIMES. everyone's fouling out on both sides. people i've never HEARD of are coming in. my guys poop out and LOSE TO FUCKING SYRACUSE AT 1:15 (approximately) IN THE MORNING.

i am delirious today. i'm too fucking exhausted to even be very sad about it. but, SIDE NOTE (this is for you, swistle!!): i had NO IDEA how active the baby is in the middle of the night. does this mimic what will be in store for me in a few months? do the sleep/active cycles follow the pattern they have in utero? I AM IN TROUBLE, IF SO. because it was SOLID FUCKING GOLD in there last night.

here i am! a month later!

so i'm trying to find stuff that's not baby-related to post about, but there isn't anything, so whatever. here goes.

yesterday i took one of our cats to the vet (simon) because he HAS A DRINKING PROBLEM. he needs cat aa. HAAHHAHAHA. nobody else thinks that's funny? just me? hormones.

anyway, he's been downing an entire bowl of water HIMSELF per day for about 10 days so finally i decided that's PROBABLY a problem. so, i brought him in and $217 later, i have no answers. yet.

they took blood (and BONUS: clipped his talons!) and we should know more friday. apparently the front runners are: diabetes, kidney failure and thyroid issues. the vet didn't think it was his thyroid (i don't remember why) but his left kidney felt large and in charge, so maybe that's it.

i almost CRIED at the thought of him dying. he's 11 and he was my mom's cat, but CRYING??? yeah again? hormones.

OK, so yeah, that ended quickly because when we got home, he tried to MURDER ME in revenge for the vet visit. HELLO, I'M TRYING TO SAVE YOUR LIFE, FUCKER.

i got up from the couch and he darted out from under the coffee table (PERFECTLY TIMED AND SO ON PURPOSE) and i instinctively tried to dodge him and forgot that i weigh 247 times my normal weight and lost my balance. and fell into our sharp, SLATE fireplace.

luckily, i remembered mid-fall that hello, I AM PREGNANT, and turned enough that instead of falling stomach first into the edge of the fireplace, i landed right hip first and caught the rest of myself with my right hand. i'm telling you, EVERY OUNCE OF LOVE FOR THAT CAT DIED IN THAT MOMENT.

it's back now, but holy shit did that hurt.

anyway, see? everything revolves around the baby. no wonder the cat hates me.

i'm so mean

but this picture is HILARIOUS. my sister just sent me this picture of hunter at the dentist. HAHAHAHAHA

DENIED!!

OMG. one of my favorite blogs is suddenly FORBIDDEN AT WORK!!!!!



wtf.

warning: i'm pregnant and this is SAPPY

i keep a baby blog separately from this blog -- which i update ALLTHETIME because i'm obsessed and i don't want to bog down this blog with every little thing. hence this blog being a bit neglected.

well, i'm feeling VERY EMOTIONAL today (shut it). so much so that i want to post this here, too. and once you read it, i'm sure you'll be glad i don't bombard you with this kind of baby stuff all the time. ;)

21 weeks and that's all that matters
i'm having a shit time at work lately. and i've gotten so upset about it... like ridiculously upset. and then, with one little kick from within, i realized what a waste of time and energy that was.

how in the WORLD can i be upset over work? i am insanely grateful and BEYOND blessed to be kicked day and night by my little bean, who is now almost a pound and almost a foot long. my bean, with a strong, beating heart. proving to me every day that miracles do exist and i can't believe my good luck that i get to experience one.

those kicks humble me because somewhere, someone thinks i am WORTHY of carrying this living miracle. that i am capable of bringing that life into this world.

i don't care how awful my job is, i am lucky to have one. i have an amazing husband who will be an even more amazing father. i have a safe, (somewhat drafty) home, incredible friends and family and i'm 19 short weeks away (god willing) from being a mother. A MOTHER. i intend to savor every single kick and be grateful for every moment i am lucky enough to have.

that is what counts. i love you, bean. thank you for your constant reminders. i can't wait to kiss the toes on those kicky little feet. i promise, with everything that i have, that i will be the best mother i can be to you.

AND, per president obama, i promise i won't let you drop out of high school. ;)

guess whoooooo

we got to see on friday???

friday was our BIG ultrasound... and nope, we did NOT find out the sex. does anyone have a guess based on this delightful, chubby cheeked picture of my AWESOME CHILD????

little bean is a peanut. 27th percentile for growth, but the dr said that's totally normal at this point (i was 18w2d on friday). i have to go back in 5 weeks because due to the baby's position (basically back to my belly) they couldn't get a very good look at the heart (though it was whooshing away at 157 bpm, if THAT influences your guesses at all!) or the umbilical cord.

i am ADDICTED to ultrasounds. they asked me all "we'd reaaaally like it if you could come back..." like i'd say NO?!?!?! hi, i'll come back every week if you want! tom cruise, i am TOTALLY with you on this one!

new etsy store!!

here is a shameless plug for my AWESOME friend jen's AWESOME new etsy store!!

she makes the cutest jewelry. she is also wikkid crafty and it sort of makes me a tiny bit sick from jealousy because i am the total opposite.

for example, SHE MADE A HEADBOARD FOR ME. FROM SCRATCH. as in, loaded up her suv with sawhorses, electric sander, saw, electric drill and shit and DROVE from NH to CT, took me to home depot to buy all the other crap, then to a fabric store to buy OTHER crap, then BUILT A HEADBOARD IN MY LIVING ROOM.

seriously. check out her shop. she kicks ass.

octuplets

obviously you all have heard about the woman who gave birth to octuplets at 30 weeks. it's insane the misinformation and judgement (read: BULLSHIT) out there regarding fertility treatments.

i could launch into a diatribe about this, but after reading a fellow infertility sufferer cover this SO RIGHT ON in her blog, i will just link to her take on this.

if you aren't very familiar w/ treatments for infertility, i encourage you to read this (read: DO IT AND PASS IT ON).

that way, the octuplet parents and john & kates of this world will stop being what we're compared to. because they are the EXCEPTION to the rule. and we (and consequently, our children) won't be the punchline of insensitive and ignorant jokes. ok, i'm starting to get going about this and i said i'd leave it to busted, so i will.

::deep breaths::

what was important to you?

ok, i KNOW there are SOME moms who read this. probably not many because i'm the shittiest blogger alive, but help a sista out, if you will.

tom and i are visiting a daycare on thursday and i wanna know... EVERYTHING.

as in, what stood out for YOU in the daycare you decided to go with? what did you hate? what did you ask? did you have to LOVE the teachers? what was the teacher to infant ratio (if your kid went as an infant. mine will be 3 months when it (hahaah it) goes.)?

anything that you thought you wouldn't give a tiny rat's ass about but did? vice versa? any sort of help would be appreciated.

though i must admit, this place would have to be ON FIRE for us not to use it, since it's on-site at my work and we get a huge discount.

cute overload

so i got a teeny box in the mail yesterday from babygap. AHHHHHH!! i have NOT ordered anything from babygap. (tom, i swear!!)

i opened it up and there was a teeny ADORABLY gift-wrapped box with an ADORABLE grosgrain ribbon around it. hi, i LOVE BABY STUFF!!!!!

inside was this delightful gift from my delightful friend, christine, wishing the bean and i happy 2nd trimester:

HOW CUTE IS THIS? thanks, christine. i love it! ps? holla back at me... 16 weeks today!

so hungry

i keep snacking today and NOTHING is satiating the hunger. i had mac n cheese for lunch. SHUT UP, THAT IS WHAT THE BABY WANTED. i've since had 2 soups at hand and a cheese stick and i'm still hungry.

i don't want to even think about dinner because i want to just EAT EVERYTHING. and i don't want to cook. i just want to EAT.

sigh.

edited to add to the list: hint of lime tostitos. still hungry.

only this shit happens to me

OK, so we go to bed last night... I wake up 839457893845 times to pee. As usual. We have been sleeping with our door open lately to help circulate the heat better.

So I hear a noise that sounds like something hitting glass. Not breaking it, but hitting it. So I ask Tom if he heard it. He tells me I'm not allowed to watch CSI anymore and go back to sleep. I get up and shut the bedroom door, because obviously every little noise is waking me. He gets up five minutes later to investigate and is out of the room for a second and our ADT alarm goes off.

I yell, "Was that you?" He runs back in the room..."NO." He shuts and locks our door, grabs the wooden baseball bat and tells me to go into the master bathroom. I FREAK. The alarm is still going off. I'm WAITING for ADT to call, they're supposed to call within a minute of it going off. I pick up our house phone and it's dead. CUE: EVERY EPISODE OF CRIMINAL MINDS/CSI I HAVE EVER WATCHED. there are NO good possible outcomes here.

Tom grabs my cell phone and calls 911. While he's on the phone with them our house phone rings. I pick it up and it's ADT. They ask if we're ok and I say I DON'T KNOW.

Did you set off your alarm?
AT ONE FIFTEEN IN THE MORNING? NO. (It's still going off btw).

They say we'll send the police. I tell them my husband is on the cell with them since they didn't call right away (asshole!). They say they've been very busy because several alarms have gone off due to the extreme cold. I ask what alarm was triggered and they say the upstairs slider. I say thanks, they reset it and I hang up.

Tom tells the police that he was upstairs when the alarm went off and didn't see anything at that door, but they say stay put anyway and we're coming. Luckily, they were here in like THREE minutes. They do a walk around and come to the door. Tom is in his Coors Light pajama pants, holding the baseball bat.

The cop says the house looks secure and looks at the bat, "Is that your weapon??" NICE, DUDE. WAY TO MAKE FUN OF OUR TERROR.

So, it seems it was just a malfunction due to the weather, but we realized if there had been an emergency (it would go off if the fire alarm detected smoke or if the carbon monoxide dectector sensed anything either) that we have no way to exit the house from there. We need to get a rope ladder for the bedroom window. We could probably jump to our front walk, but if I did that now, well, I'm pregnant and they probably FROWN ON THAT, and I certainly couldn't THROW a baby out the freaking window if it happened in six months.

ANYWAY, GET THIS. the police left us a scolding note in our mailbox about false alarms. And how next time it could LENGTHEN THEIR RESPONSE TIME.

Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?

didn't we just move in?

i feel like we did, since the house is still SO unfinished. how am i just noticing this now? we've owned it since june. so what, seven months? we JUST got an area rug for the upstairs living room. WHAT A DIFFERENCE. it's like grown ups live there now! and also? god DAMN those things are expensive!

we still need curtains for the sliders up there. yeah, seven months of NO COVERAGE there. i watch pretty much every crime show known to man and even though this room is on the second floor (with a deck outside that doesn't have stairs. annoying when you are out there? YES. but when you are inside worried about murderers? EXCELLENT.), i'm constantly wondering who's in the woods in the back documenting our every move and just waiting to break in and stab us with screwdrivers (criminal minds? anyone?).

so that's NEXT on the list. i'm exhausted just thinking about it.

so pissed.

tom got me these DELIGHTFULLY warm and cozy l.l. bean slippers for christmas. i mean, they are RIDICULOUS looking, but i don't care. they are heaven.

only problem is, they fit HIM, they are waaay too big for me.

so, we trek over there last night to exchange them and i saw two pairs labeled small. one was in a package and one was out (obvs. a return), so i tried on the open ones and yahoo! they fit! so, i BOUGHT the packaged ones. (incidentally, tom ended up KEEPING THE OTHERS FOR HIMSELF!)

i get home, jump into pjs, SO excited to put on my new slippers. take them out of the package and have to JAM my feet into them. WTF? i turn them over? They are XXS!!!! in a S package. fuckers.

i'm going back today, but they're on clearance now and there was only that ONE other open pair. if they are gone, i will WEEP especially now that i have to watch mr. i-buy-you-gifts-that-i-keep-for-myself waltz around in the same ones taunting me!!!

also? i apparently HATE shopping now. i have so much shit to return or exchange for (sigh) BIGGER sizes (sidenote: size MEDIUM maternity LOUNGE pants don't fit me. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE???) and i have only been motivated to rest on my couch for months. damn it!

the bean's first glamour shot

this is a crappy cell pic, but we had our nt scan (to measure for chromosomal abnormalities) this morning (and so far, everything looks GOOD!) and here is our little bean's first profile pic.

I AM IN LOVE!!! LOOK AT THE BUTTON NOSE!!!!!

i have GOT to get away from the tv

i want these. as in, i almost just ordered them from tv!!

that's ridiculous (and how i ended up w/ sounds of the 70s in college. i don't even LIKE 70s MUSIC).

also, i could totally save shipping charges and just buy them at walgreens, the land of "as seen on tv" -- i know this because tom got me SHAMWOW! from walgreens for christmas.

oh yes he did. and i love him for it.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

dvr is FINALLY FIXED!!!


oh yeah, baby.

memory? NEGATIVE

i have the WORST short-term memory. like EVER. for example, i couldn't tell you if i remembered to feed the cats this morning. really. i'd have to walk upstairs and check their bowls. NO CLUE.

this type of thing is especially annoying today because today cox cable (aka my NEMESIS) is coming to replace our cable box because our dvr has been broken for MONTHS. (side note: watch the service person forget to bring a new box, or better yet, bring one, but not hd.)

I CAN'T REMEMBER WHEN THEY'RE COMING. i have shit to do before the snow gets any worse. i could call, of course, but then i'll be waiting on hold for 45 minutes before anyone even answers. SO ANNOYING.

damn it.

lookit the cutiepants!!!

hunter lost both of his front teeth in the last week and a half. SO FREAKIN CUTE!!!!

stuffy

so now that the baby is out of the bag, so to speak, i can FINALLY post because srsly? it's pretty much all consuming for me. it has been since ooooooh a year ago. while attempting to keep some privacy with regard to this, i will say that getting here has not been easy and we are lucky (except NOT) enough to be the 1 out of 1 in 6 that are afflicted w/ infertility.

long, agonizing story short, with the help of a wonderful (and PATIENT) team of doctors and the miracle of ivf, we are super excited to be here.

in OTHER news, i have a terrible head cold and hi, NO NYQUIL ON THE SAFE LIST! (obvs.) but i am a mess. the doctor suggested saline nose spray (which i sprayed in my EYE because it's like some super aerosal can???), gargling w/ salt water and a humidifier. two days later, i still can't breathe.

oh well. i also have no voice, which is my husband's favorite christmas gift so far. bastard.

confession time

i have been holding out on you. it's been ridiculously difficult for me, which is why i haven't posted much for the last loooong while.

i honestly didn't think i'd ever get to the point where i'd be able to post this, but here we are, so here it is: i'm pregnant! today i am 12 weeks, 3 days and the bean is due on july 8, 2009.



and we are so grateful. much more to come, but for now, i have to finish wrapping the last of my gifts and meet some friends for lunch!

merry christmas eve!!

circa 2005

for my super husband

who loves this song...

Watch Video:

12 Days of Christmas (Straight No Chaser)

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